Some Of My Best Friends Wear Gay Apparel
Dear School Districts of Christian America and its Outlying Territories and Fiefdoms:
Having achieved momentary success in Michigan before being thwarted by the LAMESTREAM media, I have renewed my commitment to exposing the FILTHY RECRUITING TACTICS thrust into our nation’s children’s earholes by SUBVERSIVE COMMUNIST MUSIC TEACHERS most of which are also HOMOS. In the most disgusting of all possible scenarios, they have declared WAR on our values by using the music of our own holiday against us.
There can be no war without casualties, and I am prepared to accept the consequences even if it means that our hymnals and volumes of popular carols arranged for Big-Note Easy Piano will be lighter next year. Take note that I and thousands of other tax-paying, God-fearing Americans like me am incensed, confused, and aroused by the prospect of our children hearing the following carols:
DING DONG MERRILY ON HIGH
OH COME, ALL YE FAITHFUL/OH COME, OH COME, EMMANUEL/IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR etc.
ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HI GURL WHAT THAT IS YOU WEARING GURL
GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN HERE ON THE DIVAN WHILE I GO SLIP INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE
I SAW MY TWO MOMMIES KISSING SANTA CLAUS
WHAT, CHILD, IS THIS BIZNASS UP IN HURR
WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED THEIR FLOCKS THEY WERE ALSO MAKING OUT AND TRYING TO LEGALIZE MARRIAGE TO UNDERAGE BOY SHEEP
WE WISH YOU HAPPY HOLIDAYS BECAUSE WE ARE COMMIES
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR AGNES MOOREHEAD TO COME BACK FROM THE DEAD AND CALL ME DERWOOD
DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR, PROBABLY ADELE OR SOMETHING
GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER AND OBAMACARE MADE HER GIVE ALL HER MEDICINE TO A GAY COUPLE’S ADOPTED BABY WITH AIDS
I ask that you and all your employees please refrain from teaching or singing these “songs.” We cannot allow their pinko messages to penetrate our children’s vulnerable minds at this most wonderful time of year when we rely on Christmas traditions to recharge the fragile batteries of faith and credulity that keep things humming along so smoothly in the home, at the workplace, and on the battlefield.
That One Person in North Dakota Who Writes Every Patriotic Email Forward Ever
Image via Paper People East
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